Alright,: November '23, I snag my dream home—completely empty, like a blank canvas for a tech nerd’s masterpiece. I’m talking zero furniture, zilch, nada. So, what do I do? I go full Tony Stark and deck this place out with *everything* Alexa-compatible. My microwave? Yup, I’m barking orders at it like it’s my personal chef. “Nuke that popcorn, Alexa!” My Wi-Fi’s practically sweating, juggling *30-plus devices*—I’m basically running a smart home circus.

Oh, and the cherry on top? I slapped in *16 smart light bulbs*. We’re talking mood lighting for days. Some of these bad boys are outside, glowing on my front and back porches like a low-budget rave. Neighbors start side-eyeing me, finally cornering me like, “Yo, why’s your house doing a disco impersonation?” So, naturally, I whip up a *spreadsheet*—because nothing says “I’m a reasonable human” like a color-coded chart explaining why my porch lights are vibing in neon purple. They’re still confused, but I’m out here living in 3023.

*Cue dramatic sitcom music* 

Oh, Mother dearest, with her *fancy* dual-lamp setup—because one glowing beacon of ambiance just wasn’t enough! We’ve got a desk lamp strutting its stuff with a smart bulb that can change colors like a disco ball with an identity crisis. And now, the floor lamp’s like, “Hold my bulb, I’m joining the rainbow party too!” 

So, naturally, I, the *genius* son, went full-on *light show choreographer*. I’m talking a color-coded extravaganza for every single one of Mom’s daily entertainment events. Soap opera time? BAM, sultry red glow. Game show hour? ZAP, electric yellow vibes. I’ve got a spreadsheet—yes, a SPREADSHEET—to track this luminous masterpiece. Oh, and a calendar where I’ve splashed the colors like a neon Picasso, syncing every network switch to its own hue. CNN? Cool blue. Food Network? Cheesy orange (obviously). 

You thought your son was just gonna let those smart bulbs sit there? Pfft. You’ve never had a son like me, Mom—part tech wizard, part interior designer, ALL legend. 

*Drops mic, lights flash purple.*

Well Hell's Bell's ... Note the above "RED No Cam". 

The No Cam Routine runs when Simon says "Computer, No Camera" .

.. it will SHUTDOWN her Echo Show (and Camera) and turn the lights red for ten minutes. But don't stop there!

I picked up a $15 lamp at the local DG and put a smart bulb in it and have it in MY home (on Mom's Alexa Account). Yup it goes through the day doing whatever Mom's lights do. Kind of caught me off guard at 3 AM when it triggered on for two minutes. (at the residence someone said "Computer, Lights on" followed later by "Computer, Lights off").  

Knowing Simon is roaming around in the middle of the night doing this...THAT routine now turns on ONLY her floor lamp at a soft 70% amber (night light effect). 

Damn I am good.